remembrance

[ MEMORY, circa 2014 ]

Waking up at 6AM on a weekend, during the break (a rare feat). Going down the stairs, spotting Dad taping up the box where I kept my drawing and drafting tools (with vague plans to sell them off to my friends from architecture school). Hearing dad sniffle once, twice. Staying motionless for a few moments at the foot of the stairs. Not knowing what to say. Feeling shitty all over again, because “Why am I the wrong daughter for my good parents? Why couldn’t I stick with this and bear it all? Why did I have to do this to my parents?” Standing next to Dad, and Dad embraced me. Crying. Both of us crying. Dad telling me, “Nasasayangan lang kasi ako, anak (I just feel a bit regretful, my child).” Feeling my throat close up for the millionth time since–God I am such a fuck up. Saying “sorry sorry sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc–

(I just wanted to be out of the sad dump that I’ve fallen into.)

(I just wanted to stop making my parents cry.)

(I just wanted to be relatively not sad.)

I’m glad that today, it’s better. It really gets better.


Featured Image from demiiwhiffin via Tumblr; words from Katy Maxwell’s Girl of the Earth

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straight for the castle

Here’s a short piece I wrote November last year. I almost didn’t post this because I thought I put something too dark and gory near the end but it turns out it’s still SFW lol. I thought the topic would be suitable for my current feels about the upcoming Captain America: Civil War–ackkkk!!11!!

Beware of guys who wish to be superheroes.

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A letter to my Hero

Grade 2. I was just a little girl who was friendless in another unfamiliar place. I was seven years old, on my third school since I started school at the age of four and still clueless about the dynamics and importance of making friends. One thing was clear: I didn’t know anyone, didn’t seem like I’ll be introducing myself to anyone soon, and it seems like the year ahead looks like I’ll be on my own.

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