Just a small side-project I thought of, since I feel a little happier these days and I’d like to share a little bit of that to others. So I compiled a short list of the stuff that make/made/will make me happy.
Doodling with watercolors
Not-so fancy notebooks
Small-scale local businesses (hi Common Room PH I am an avid fan)
I am tired of squeezing myself a little bit further to the right just so someone else could pass through before me. I am tired of letting people get ahead of me because they feel too self-important to wait their turn.
I am tired of being told to be more patient, more forgiving, because you’re supposed to be softer and kinder and you should know better, because people need the room for their little insecurities and adjustments and the need to fucking belong. I am tired of telling myself to be more patient and more forgiving because I am supposed to do so, because holding on to a little of anger or annoyance will not merit to anything, that being angry is unattractive.
I am tired of giving concessions all the fucking time, and in return I get incompetence and ungratefulness. I am tired of adjusting to give way for other people’s egos or self-absorbed selves.
I am tired of all those things, but you know what?
Here’s a short piece I wrote November last year. I almost didn’t post this because I thought I put something too dark and gory near the end but it turns out it’s still SFW lol. I thought the topic would be suitable for my current feels about the upcoming Captain America: Civil War–ackkkk!!11!!
A very happy Father’s Day to all the great papi-papitos all over the world! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ My sisters and I failed with our supposedly surprise dinner last night because Dad and Mom took too long to go home, so we just cleaned up the “formal dinner” setup we did and just watched TV until they arrived.
I’ve been very disoriented this week because of a lot of things, mainly because of the fickle weather as well as my irregular sleeping hours. Typical. So, I just thought of something to write down, little things and topics that occupy my mind in random moments.
i. “Sunflowers are overrated,” they say. Yes, they are. But sunflowers are also lovely and they make me happy and who are we to disregard the simple joys in life? Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate. It’s a little sad that they won’t grow taller than me this time, with the afternoon thunderstorms already paving the way for the rainy season. I know it sounds a bit fanatic but I really love the small traditions and private jokes we have in UP, especially in Diliman. Sometimes I revel in these little details that we can fully claim as ours in no other sense but tradition and culture–the sunflowers, Oble and the Oblation Run, the canopy of trees around the Academic Oval, the Sunken Garden and the joggers/bikers lane, and even Zorro himself. UP as a whole is not without its faults and the system its corruption, and as Iskolars we’re always looked up to and expected to be of critical minds; even so, it’s nice to step back a little and just embrace the beautiful quirks of our university and the subculture in it, without defiling the good vibes with the pessimism widespread along with knowledge and awareness.
ii. Rainy afternoons are the BEST. Don’t you just get the feeling when it rains like you just want to squish your mattress into a corner and gather all the comforters, blankets, pillows and plushies you have and haphazardly throw everything to the mattress and just lie there reading (or writing, if your muse shows up)? And the scene wouldn’t be complete without a cup of tea or an excessive amount of coffee, of course. A month before the second semester ends, acad shift or not, a lot of people look forward to the sunlight and the beach so much and I just don’t, not really. I like the sun but since I wear my inner romantic like a cardigan on a nice day, I’m obliged to like love the rain more because, duh, the most cliche of all cliches. Kidding aside, the ambiance when it rains just gets to me and my muse a lot. Even in my childhood, I used to watch typhoons pass by in our windows without fear but fascination.
iii. I share good relations with certain people whom others have strong dislike or negative opinions about; sometimes my being friends with them doesn’t make sense to others, and I feel like they think of me as two-faced at times (at the very least). I like to think myself as above hypocrisy and such; instead, I just decide to set aside other people’s misgivings–especially my friends’. I decide to not label them with their mistakes and “bad qualities”, because we all have those grayer areas in us than most of us realize. We’re entitled to our opinions but never the condemnation of our peers through our version of propriety and standards. The friends I keep close to my heart are few, and these friendships I’ve founded on the base of understanding them even at their worst and trusting them with my worst. I know that I seem to operate almost borderline anti-social, but then, as that rule in Zombieland goes, “Enjoy the little things.”
I feel like I still owe this blog a lot of entries–and I do. I’ve had eventful things happen to me, but then I’d be too lazy to write about them and by the time I actually take the time to sit down and write, my recollections are too hazy for a proper write-up. I just lost my muse to write again and it sucks; writing, even the non-literary kind, is a struggle these days.
Anyway, my Twitter and Instagram accounts are my most updated social media accounts, so if you want to hear from me more beyond this blog, I’m found here:
Just a little warning: My Twitter account has no filter at all. Most of my tweets are either vulgar or crude comments, or subtle shade throwing that no one seems to figure out lol.
On other news, I’ve revived my Tumblr account! Hooray! If you’re interested with my very ~hipster~ side interests, my Tumblr url is charkoalgrey.tumblr.com. Don’t be shy to hit me up if you want to! Even if you don’t want to lol.
I have no excuse–true to my expectations, I didn’t manage to write on this blog consistently. It’s been THREE MONTHS since I last wrote something (here).
I’m a despicable human being.
I knew that I wouldn’t be able to prioritize this with all the things that take up my time but I also happen to know that I’ve wasted enough time in those three months–time that I could have spent writing here instead of being idle or doing mindless things.
There’s just so much to catch up on and I don’t know where to begin! I stopped updating a week before my 18th birthday–a very crucial week where I had a lot of things to write about especially since it’s supposed to be a ~life-changing~ week.
(Spoiler: With all the hype about coming of age and legality, nothing much changed. But it sure has some perks, now that I think about it.)
But I got lazy and homework piled up and I kept on pushing everything to the weekend (and then I do absolutely no work during the weekends).
It would be kinda hard to trace back to these events and write about them, so I’ll just start with now.
Right now, I’m (almost) finished with my semester–hooray!!!
Let it be known that UP’s academic calendar shift is one of the biggest cosmic jokes in this world and let it be known that this year has been my most challenging one (I only have, like, two years to compare lol but who cares) especially this semester and especially with this unbearable summer heat.
Because UP and all of its constituents chose to change the academic calendar (we started our first semester August 2014, the second semester late January 2015), we had a four-month academic break (half of it I spent taking up Math14 again l o l and the other half I spent agonizing how I should tell my parents that I want to shift out of Arki–but that’s a story for another time) and our classes extended far until the end of May 2015.
Some would say that the four-month break was fun as hell–yay no acads–but let me tell you: It sucked. Big time. Yeah, sure, the break was very welcome but four months out of school was just as soul-sucking and brain-draining as a regular semester. The early (and long) Christmas break didn’t really feel that extended, and having regular classes at the height of Manila’s summer (April and May) is probably one of the worst things about this acad shift.
Since I was born and bred a probinsyana, I haven’t got the slightest clue about the true extent of heat in Metro Manila until now.
(My first year didn’t count because I barely stayed in QC during my “summer class”.)
My boarding house is a literal inferno-slash-sauna in disguise and I couldn’t even stand staying there while the sun is still up. I usually went home at night, and even then, it was still hot and humid. Going home during the weekends is a great reprieve that I’ve come to treasure.
One of the things I love about Diliman as compared to Elbi is the canopy of trees that serve as roofs at the acad oval but it lost its magic when summer started. I used to pride over the fact that I don’t buy umbrellas every month because I rarely use (and lose) them in Diliman because it’s chill to walk around the campus without an umbrella; when summer started, dang! I couldn’t walk anywhere without an umbrella the moment the sun rises, and at extremes, I just wholly give up on my promise to not ride jeeps inside the campus and start digging up the spare change shoved in my bag.
Disclaimer: Just because I love Diliman a whole lot more now doesn't mean I don't love Elbi anymore. Elbi is still, and will always be, home for me. <3
Anyway, I’m just waiting for my grades to show up online and I’m officially signing off my Second Semester, AY 2014-2015. Gosh, it’s been a (school) year. I was constantly on the edge because I was ~preparing~ to shift out.
I started going to the gym!!! I signed myself up with a friend at a gym in SM North EDSA a day after my birthday (lol) and we’ve been regularly working out since March for three to five times a week–depending on my mood and the amount of homework I have. My friend is admittedly the more fit one between us, and also the more gym-addict between us. But then she’s also the one who doesn’t go back home every week–I do.
We’re stopping in June and July because we both won’t be staying in QC–I refuse to take any more classes until I’ve shifted, so yes, I’m not enlisting for the midyear (summer) classes. I also don’t know what subjects to take since I’ve almost plowed through the GEs required for my next major (yep, claiming it!).
B to the I to the G, B to the A-N-G!
Bigbang is coming back to the Philippines on July 30!
They’re releasing their group songs monthly dating back to May and I’m so damn happy! I’ve been waiting for three damn years for them to release a song as group again–I really am so happy beyond words!!! Being a K-pop fan–now that’s what’s life-changing for me. And Bigbang (and 2NE1) is like, my foundation to the cult–ure. Haha!
I’ve been saving up for their concert even before anything was confirmed. I didn’t even spend the money I received from my relatives and well-wishers when I turned 18–I kept everything in a jar and just stuffed my extra allowance there every week. (More on this on a separate post hehe!) I have tickets now, and that’s the most important thing for me. Ilysm, Bigbang!
Now that I’m (almost) done with schoolwork, I think I’ll be able to write a lot here more often yay! I hope this midyear (summer) is a lot more fruitful for me hehe so I would have a lot to write about.